The Black Watch

It was Carbon dial watch with a black metal strap.

Perfectly rounded. Crafted to perfection. Aesthetic fineness.

It was love at first sight.

I tortured my friends by telling them how badly I want to have it yet how conflicted I am in making that decision.

It was for a day or two. Rationality crept in slowly. Along came introspection.

It was a beautiful watch. No doubt.

But. Will it suit me?

Should I spend this much on a watch?

After all, it shows just the time like any other watch.

I realised that it will be the oddest part of me.

It might even encroach upon my identity.

***

Six years back.

She was beautiful.

She was my kind of girl.

Brave and brilliant. Elegant yet humble.

She was not one of those wax beauties.

She had a strong personality.

The wheat glow on her skin. Big dark eyes.

Dense curly flowing hair. The magical concoction of her natural scent and a candy perfume.

I drowned myself in dreams of her and tortured my friends with my lovesick blabberings.

I was debating with myself every day if I should tell her how much I loved her. I was carrying the burden of unsaid love like carrying a crucifix.

I felt feverish when she was near.

Legs limped in front of her.

Her voice and laughter vibrated in the cranium.

I ravaged my mother tongue and English with my pathetic poetry.

But I never told her. I was afraid that she will never talk to me again if I told her.

I was afraid that she will refuse to see me if she learns my lovesickness.

I never told her.

***

A boy transforms into a man when he falls in love for the first time in his life. And if and when that love fails, there is a sudden growth sprout. Like a butterfly, splitting open its pupa. It is a painful process.

With manhood comes rationality.

***

We come across these situations now and again in life.

Falling in love, finding a job, buying a house... for some people it happens with a black watch too.

We realise that it may not suit us. We realise that it could be the wrong choice.

***

Sometimes, time takes us to the same door once again.

Dejavu.

Another relationship, another interview, for some people... maybe another watch.

Now we undergo an acid test.

A lot of people make a mistake in choosing something or someone that is identical or similar to something or someone they couldn’t get in the past.

We cheat ourselves.

Later on, the sceptical mind will start comparing the new object with the old passion. That is a chasm one can never cross.

Your heart will grieve.

With grief comes to pain. Along comes darkness.

***

Start afresh when life gives you a second choice.

Don’t look for the same black metal watch with a round dial.

Maybe a square or rectangle... Maybe white or blue...

One might even get something better than what was previously desired.

A better partner, better job... some people are lucky enough to get a better watch.

Better than what was previously desired.

Some are unlucky. For them, it is an eternal pain.

***

The write up had ended in the previous passage.

However, for the curious reader, I would like to announce happily,

I got a better watch.

Digital. Multi-functional. Beautiful.

Oh! You are asking about my love interests after the heartbreak?

I will leave that to your interpretation and imagination.